i don't have it in me to be the other person to begin with.

after being cheated on, i don't know how ANYONE could cope with the guilt of BEING the "other person." it's just beyond my comprehension how anyone has it in them to be a part of something so hurtful.

i found out one of my friends cheated on her boyfriend (also one of my friends, i introduced them about 4-5 years ago). i was so completely fucking heartbroken when she finally admitted it to me. she's only human but it's hard to accept someone i love and respect could stoop to that level. i know a lot of people don't see cheating as a huge deal but it's more about the potential of it having a long-term effect on someone's emotional state, and not just as it applies to relationships. even after you get over the initial infidelity itself there's still so many other things left to deal with on a personal level.

i hope i dont end up extremely dead, just regularly dead

regularly dead = good
extremely dead = not as good