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The Chariot - Everything Is Alive, everything is breathing, nothing is dead and nothing is bleeding

cbrickhouse   (1806 reviews)

Posted: 11/20/2004 | Comments: 253 | Rate:

Someone please stop this terrible band from making any more music. I felt the veins behind my eyes bulge as the tracks played, making it feel as if my brain was going to explode and shoot noodles all over my basement. I really don't know what sound they're they're going for, but the sound they found is "brain tumor", as in thats what I ended up with after listening to this.

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Comments
who-bah-stank
24,541 Posts
31/M/NY
whichever one sucks that most.
gary
62,973 Posts
31/M/NA
These threads are always quality
surgical perv
81 Posts
35/M/WI
i fairly dig the album but the feedback thing does get grating. so they played live in studio. my band practices with no help from computers and shit doesnt feedback that intensely.
Enemies vs. Honor
281 Posts
30/M/NY
wow! these guys are horrible!
I have no legs!
15 Posts
29/F/GA
You guys ar fucking ass holes for real

you wouldnt know good music if it got up and bit you in the fucking asses for real man

so shut the fuck up and broaden your horizens.

Is it just because they are a christian band?

im not a big christain or anything and thats not the reason i like them...i like them because they are very talented so shut the FUCK UP!
I have no legs!
15 Posts
29/F/GA
You guys ar fucking ass holes for real

you wouldnt know good music if it got up and bit you in the fucking asses for real man

so shut the fuck up and broaden your horizens.

Is it just because they are a christian band?

im not a big christain or anything and thats not the reason i like them...i like them because they are very talented so shut the FUCK UP!
who-bah-stank
24,541 Posts
31/M/NY
One of the worst bands ever. Absolute shit. I couldnt care less whether they were christian, jewish, muslim, agnostic or buddihst, their music is fucking AWFUL. END OF THREAD.
I have no legs!
1 Posts
25/M/MS
the chariot is better than any of ur gay asses will ever like
new cocks
143,991 Posts
33/M/IL
Originally posted by:_TheChariot_

the chariot is better than any of ur gay asses will ever like


makes no sense, but your name is TheChariot so it wouldnt matter if it made sense
I have no legs!
15 Posts
33/M/PA
not as bad as whats everyone is saying
The Brown Sound
57 Posts
18/M/NY
not as good as norma jeans new release, at least.
life is gawbage
22,796 Posts
37/M/NY

the Chariot. . . . proof that before you record an album, you need to fucking PRACTICE

shit makes Red Roses for a Blue Lady sound tight
the day god quit
19 Posts
28/M/SD
what is he trying to prove with his lyrics.. it's just noise... bullshit noise
hangs w/ Bill Ayer
3,554 Posts
29/M/GA
I think this horse has fucking rotted.

Norma Jean and the Chariot are not hardcore; they aren't even bad enough to count as bad metalcore. They just like to play palm-muted Open D chord breakdown-like sections and make kids mosh. Which, really, should not be considered music. It's purely entertainment, enjoyment for some. It's an act; it's a show.

It doesn't take "talent" to do what the Chariot does. Believe me. I am not that great on a guitar and I can swing my body around sparatically while palm-muting an open D and switching to some random no name chord on the highest three strings.

It's not "innovative" or "new" or even "original" to record an album "live" (as they like to say). What the Chariot did, when they recorded live, is they tracked every instrument at once. That's a pretty smart thing to do. It's swift and it's easier for the band to record that way. The reason they felt they should do it, though, is out of some pretensions of nuance and creativity in Josh Scogin's feeble little mind.

And for the record, Josh Scogin is no musical genius. If any genius is in the man's mind, it's purely economical.

You see, this funny thing happened at Hellfest the year "Bless The Martyr..." came out. Scogin's girlfriend gripped his weenie, and made him quit Norma Jean (Oh, and God asked him to, as well, according to Mr. Scogin). Wait, though. That's not the funny part. The funny part is, two years later, Solid State Records called up Mr. Scogin, and through the phone line, grabbed his testacles and said, "Guess what? You're still under contract to us. Meaning, 1) You owe us money. 2) You have to make us money. 3) You have to make us money by selling records. Good bye."

And here's the really funny part. As fast as he could, because he needed to make money fast, he assembled a band of nearly anyone (They almost had a 16 year old guitarist in the band. I've met him.), and he spearheaded an outfit of guys who used almost metalcore-like breakdown music as a device to sell short albums, tight t-shirts, funny looking caps, buttons, DVDs, and stickers.

And Mr. Scogin made Solid State Records a nice big stack of cash.

That is the bitter, real truth, fans and haters alike. The Chariot does not suck for merely being an entertainment group or playing almost non-musical music. The Chariot sucks because from the very beginning, they were sell outs in the truest form of the word. They are around to get Scogin and Solid State Records money. They are around to entertain the droves of hungry scenesters that adore their brand of entertainment.

So from now on: The Devil is NOT in Atlanta. NO yellow dresses will be worn with locked knees. The world DOES revolve around everyone else; the world does NOT revolve around the Chariot or anyone associated with them. We will NOT walk off stage, walk off stage. Walk. Off. Stage. NO one will do the cha-cha and then riot. Feedback following every riff will CEASE to be cool. Claiming Christian roots and NOT singing about God's greatness will NOT be allowed. Guitarists CANNOT be named after foods (and foods cannot reference ethnicity of guitarists). Palm-muted Open D chords are NOT allowed to be followed by random no name chords from the highest three strings. Duct tape CANNOT be placed on a guitar, unless absolutely neccesary. Being able to guitar flip and gyrate on stage will NOT supersede honing guitar theory and riffing during practice. How "insane" a band is on stage will NOT define their "talent" or them having put on a great show.

I had a few more things to say, but this makes the point and buries the horse.

Be ye rested and may the Chariot never be spoken of again.
I have no legs!
8,504 Posts
32/M/FL
i'll admit i like "Bless The Martyr, Kiss The Child" by Norma Jean... but The Chariot is fuckin' horrible.

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